The Melanin Unicorn Podcast
Welcome to the Melanin Unicorn podcast. A new dynamic and thought-provoking show that will take us all on a journey of exploration, inspiration, and enlightenment. I am dedicated to celebrating Black women's power, resilience, and unapologetic brilliance.
The Melanin Unicorn Podcast
From Words to Touch: Making Love Languages Work for You
What if your love is getting lost in translation? We break down the five love languages—words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch—and show how small shifts in how we give and receive care can change the feel of a relationship fast. Instead of guessing, we map real moments where effort didn’t land and offer simple ways to translate affection into a dialect your partner, friends, or family can actually hear.
We walk through each language with practical examples: the difference between vague compliments and specific affirmations that stick; why acts of service relieve mental load more than grand gestures; how thoughtful, meaningful gifts signal “I see you” without spending big; what true quality time looks like when phones are away; and how to approach physical touch with consent, comfort, and warmth. Carrie shares her own mix of languages and how they shift across contexts, reminding us it’s normal to resonate with more than one and to evolve through different seasons of life.
You’ll get three reflection prompts to uncover your core language, guidance on sharing your answers without blame, and ideas to layer gestures—pairing a chore with a kind note, or a short date with a small symbolic gift—so connection compounds. We also extend the framework beyond romance into friendships, family dynamics, and self-love, building a daily practice that is honest, flexible, and kind. Ready to turn mixed signals into meaningful signals? Press play, share your primary love language with us, and if this resonated, subscribe, leave a review, or send the episode to someone you love.
Hello, hello, hello, my fellow unicorns, and welcome back to the Melanin Unicorn Podcast, the podcast where we as black women explore the many facets of relationships, emotions, and self-discovery. I'm your host Kerry, and today we're diving into a topic that's been buzzing around in the world of self-help and relationships for years. And that is love languages. Do you know what your love language is? And if not, let's find out. Okay, so first things first. Let's talk about what love languages are and where the idea comes from. The concept was first introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. According to Dr. Chapman, each of us has a primary way of giving and receiving love, which he categorizes into five distinct love languages. So, what are these five love languages? Let's break them down, shall we? Words of affirmation. Now, this language is all about verbal expressions of love, compliments, kind words, and affirming statements are key. The second love language is acts of service. And this is for some actions speak louder than words. Doing things to help your partner, like cooking dinner, running errands, or fixing something around the house is how they feel loved. Number three, receiving gifts. This isn't about materialism, it's about the thoughtfulness and effort behind a gift that makes someone feel appreciated. Number four, quality time. It's about being present and spending meaningful time together. And number five is physical touch. From holding hands to hugs and kisses, physical connection is a primary way of expressing love for those with this language. Now that we know what the love languages are, you might be wondering, why does this even matter? Well, understanding your own love language and that of your partner can significantly improve your relationships. It's like learning to speak their emotional dialect. Imagine trying to express love in French to someone who only understands Spanish. The message might not land. Okay? So for example, let's say your love language is acts of service, but your partner's is words of affirmation. You might spend hours cleaning the house or fixing things to show your love while your partner might be longing to hear, I love you, or you mean so much to me. Without understanding each other's love language, both of you might feel unappreciated or unloved, even though love is being expressed. Now, my love language are I have several because there is also a test uh that I will also put in the show notes. So my one of mine's is words of affirmation. And if you've listened to the episode before this, you will know that I spoke about um affirmations. Another thing is for me is quality time, right? Because I I I love that. Um, and another one is physical touch, and that is my thing because not that I am a um I'm just touchy-filly all willy-nilly with anybody, because you have some people that they just hug, and you you have to be cognizant because everyone is not open to that type of uh physical um touch, right? And I would also say that I'm probably in the realm of all five, so acts of service and receiving gifts. So I don't know if I'm the one to be taken, like, oh well, you know, Carrie does all five, you know. Well, she feels like all five is like her love languages, are her love languages, and a part of it is there is some semblance in each five of them that exists within all of us. Some may be more dominant than the others, so just learning what your love language is will be so helpful because I find that people are when they discuss their relationships and they are frustrated because they're saying X, Y, and Z is what they would like, but their partner is saying A, B, and C. And so you see, there is no meeting in the middle, right? Because partner, both partners are on opposite ends of the spectrum, and so it is in learning what each other's love language is that is so crucial. And I highly recommend if you have not already to read the book now, whether it be in a physical format, an ebook format, or an audible format. I highly recommend it because the way Dr. Chapman breaks it down, it makes it very, very understandable. Okay. All right. So, how do you figure out what your love language is? And as I mentioned previously in his book, there is a quiz, but you can also reflect on these questions. Number one, what makes you feel most loved by others? Right? I'm gonna repeat that question again. What makes you feel most loved by others? Write that question down in your journal and and answer it. Question number two. What do you often request from your partner or loved ones? I'm gonna repeat that question again. What do you often request from your partner or loved ones? Okay, so this is another question that you can write in your journal. Okay. Number three, how do you naturally express love? I'm going to repeat that question again. How do you naturally express love? So, this is another question that you can write down in your journal, okay? And so as you look over each question, I want you to honestly answer them. Okay, and don't give an answer that you that you feel like, oh, it's because this is what everybody else says, or this is what everybody else thinks. No, these questions are for you and for you specifically, not what someone else says or thinks. You answer them honestly and truthfully. Okay? And then if you are in a relationship, um you can share those with your partner. But also, if you are in a relationship, I would highly encourage that you both read the five love languages together by Dr. Gary Chapman. That way, both of you will have your eyes open and in deeper insight into how your partner receives love from the five love languages that I just I mentioned earlier, and vice versa. Okay, so then there's no misunderstanding because one of the one of the hardest things is misunderstanding in communicating with one another. Okay, so now once you identify your love language, share it with your partner, friends, or family, and encourage them to do the same. This can open up conversations and deepen your connections because that's what we are about. That's what humans are about. We are about connections, connecting. So, as we are about to wrap this up, I'm gonna leave you with this thought, and that is love languages aren't just romantic relationships. Also, Dr. Gary Chapman has love languages for each type of relationship. Okay, they can apply to friendships, family dynamics, and even how you practice self-love. So, understanding what your love language is is about recognizing and valuing the unique ways we all give and receive love. Ah, this was such a wonderful episode uh for me, and I truly hope that it was just as wonderful for you. Thank you so much for joining me today on the Melanie Unicorn Podcast. And if you found this episode helpful or inspiring, please subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone you care about. And remember, your love language is a language we all speak, we just have to learn to know each other's dialects. Okay, so don't be hard on yourself because this is something that we are all learning, okay? And sometimes when you don't know what your love language is, then reading that book will help you understand exactly what yours is. It may not be one, it may be three, it may be one, it may be only two, or it may be all five, but in different capacities. So until next time, take care and keep spreading love. And remember, whatever your love language is, give it to yourself first. Because by doing this, you are influencing the energy for others to follow suit. And on that note, have a great and amazing and magical day. I love you, and we will talk soon. Take care.
