How To Receive Praise Without Shrinking

When was the last time a compliment made you squirm instead of smile? We’re digging into the compliment conundrum—why kind words can feel uncomfortable, how cultural conditioning shapes our reactions, and what it takes to receive praise with grace instead of shrinking from it. As Black women, many of us were taught to be careful with attention and wary of being seen as boastful, which can turn a positive moment into a stressful one. We name that history with care, then offer practical steps to unlearn it.

We walk through a simple, repeatable flow: say thank you, add a short acknowledgment that honors your effort, and resist the urge to minimize or explain it away. You’ll hear language you can steal for work, relationships, and friendships so the next kind word doesn’t send you scrambling. We also explore why downplaying makes both people feel awkward and how a sincere response strengthens trust and connection.

To help the change stick, we share mirror work that retrains your nervous system to let praise land. Looking yourself in the eye, practicing a calm thank you, and pairing it with breath can make compliments feel safe rather than suspicious. Over time, this builds self-acceptance and creates a positive feedback loop—when you receive generosity well, others feel encouraged to spread more of it. By the end, you’ll have clear steps, grounded examples, and a mindset shift that makes room for joyful recognition.

If this resonates, share the episode with a friend who’s ready to stop arguing with compliments and start owning them. Subscribe for more real talk on small habits that unlock big change, and leave a review to help our community grow.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Topic Reveal
• 0:31 Why Compliments Feel Uncomfortable
• 2:55 Cultural Roots And Unlearning
• 5:09 The Simple Power Of Thank You
• 7:52 Add Personal Acknowledgment
• 9:56 Avoid Downplaying And Build Acceptance
• 12:36 Mirror Work And Reframing
• 14:38 Key Steps Recap And Closing

Transcript

Kerry: 0:11

Hey, hey, hey tribe! Welcome back to the Melanin Unicorn Podcast, where we explore the little habits and mindsets that lead to big changes for black women. I'm your host, Kerry, and today we're diving into a surprisingly tricky topic. And that is how to receive compliments. That's right, those lovely little moments when someone offers us kind words, which can sometimes leave us feeling awkward, dismissive, or even skeptical. But why is that? And how can we learn to embrace and enjoy compliments instead of brushing them off? Well, stick around because by the end of this episode, you will feel empowered to own your compliments like a pro. So let's get into this episode. The compliment conundrum. That's what I like to call it. So let's start by asking why do we struggle to receive compliments? And if you've ever found yourself saying, Oh, it was nothing, or this whole thing, when someone compliments you, you're not alone. Many of us tend to deflect praise instead of accepting it graciously. But what's behind this reflex? There are a few reasons, I think. Sometimes it's about humility. We are taught not to brag or seem full of ourselves. And other times it's insecurity. We might not fully believe the compliment is deserved. And then there's social conditioning, which can make receiving attention feel uncomfortable. But whatever the reason, learning to accept compliments is about more than just politeness. It's about building confidence and deepening connection with others. Now, for many of us black women, we grew up with that notion of, you know, um not being taught to receive compliments, right? Because it's it's like bragging, you know, like I said a few minutes ago. Um, and it's and it's not, it's not, I don't know if our parents, grandparents, the guardian, um, whoever raised you taught us to not be so accepting of compliments. I think a lot of it is was based out of fear and also trauma. And so because those uh things were taught to us as we got older and then we came into adulthood, it is uncomfortable for many of us to accept compliments. And so this is just another thing that we as black women are unlearning because it is unfortunately something that we as black women have had to battle through and battle with. Now, whether you are on your job and it's hard for you, or you're in a relationship and it's hard for you, a romantic relationship, or in your friendships, it's hard for you. This is just another thing that we are unlearning. So have grace with yourself, have mercy, love on yourself because you are coming out of this on the other side. So, okay, so how do we go from awkward deflection to confident reception? Well, let's break it down into a few simple steps. Say thank you. Those two words, thank you, are big. Very big, right? And it sounds basic. It really does, thank you, but it's the easiest way to accept a compliment, is just to simply say thank you. That's it, that's it. No qualifiers, no minimizing, just a heartfelt thank you shows appreciation for those kind words, and it makes the giver feel valued. Try it out. It's like a compliment superpower. And let me also say this: when someone compliments you, and then you go through this whole deflection, what it does, it makes the person who complimented you feel very awkward, and it makes them feel like they did something wrong. So I just want you to take that into consideration. Because why is it so easy for us to give compliments? But the minute someone compliments us, we become flustered. And then we just start making excuses. No, no, no, no, no. Because if the person has complimented you, an easy thank you, it suffices. That's it. That is it. Because, and you have to ask yourself, how would you feel if you complimented somebody and then they deflect it? And now you're both standing there feeling awkward, looking awkward, and now your mind is saying, Okay, we got to get out of here. So that's just something I want you to think about when um when someone compliments you and when you are complimenting someone else. And also have grace too. Because these are things that we are learning to unlearn. All right, perfect. So after you said thank you, you can add something personal. Like, for example, if someone says, You did a great job on that presentation today, you might say, Thank you. I really put a lot of thought into it. This shows that you are proud of your work and it opens the door for a genuine conversation. And so it goes back to what I was saying. If someone compliments you, it's thank you, and then you can say something behind it, and vice versa. If you compliment someone and they say thank you, it may also invite an added conversation. But again, we are learning to unlearn these patterns that were taught to us, okay. Also, I want you to avoid downplaying again. Please, please, please resist the urge to diminish the compliment. Okay, because phrases like, oh, it wasn't a big deal, or oh, I just got lucky. Again, it makes the person who gave you the compliment feel awkward and dismissed. Please trust that your kind words are genuine and deserved. Okay. Learn how to practice self-acceptance. Sometimes our discomfort with compliments stems from our own self-doubt. And we need to take the time to reflect on those strengths and accomplishments. So when you start to see your value, accepting compliments will feel much more natural. So here's the thing learning to receive compliments gracefully doesn't just benefit you, it also creates a positive feedback loop. When someone gives you a compliment and you accept it warmly, it makes them feel good too. And then they're more likely to give compliments in the future, creating this atmosphere of kindness and mutual appreciation. Number one, say thank you, keep it simple, and sincere. Number two, add a little acknowledgement to show you appreciated the sentiment. Number three, avoid downplaying or dismissing the compliment. Number four, working on self-acceptance to make receiving compliments feel more natural. And if this feels tricky at first, don't worry. Like any skill, it takes practice. Start small, and over time, you'll find that accepting compliments becomes second nature. One of the things that helped me to really learn how to accept compliments was by doing mirror work. Standing in a mirror, pretending that I am complimenting me, and me in return saying, Oh, thank you, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. That was so key for me. Because again, you know, I was raised to just, you know, oh, you know, be careful when people compliment you because you don't really know what the motive is behind it, you know, which which caused fear around someone complimenting me. And and then just learning now as an adult that a lot of that that was taught to us again, that I said earlier, was out of fear and trauma that our parents experienced. So again, mirror work worked wonders, and you can try it. And maybe at first, as you are beginning, it feels awkward looking yourself in the face, in the eye, as you are pretending to be someone who is giving you the compliment, and then you responding, but just keep at it, and the more that you keep at it, the more it becomes more comfortable, and then the more it becomes safe for you to receive the compliments, okay? And that's a wrap for today's episode. Thank you so much for tuning in. And if you found this helpful, please share this episode with a friend or sister friend who could use a little confidence boost. And don't forget to sub subscribe, excuse me, to subscribe so you'll never miss an episode, which I can be found on Instagram under the Melanie Unicorn Podcast. So until next time, remember you deserve all the kind words that come your way. Embrace them. Don't be afraid, embrace them. Okay, and remember to have a wonderful, remarkable, and magical day because that is what you deserve. I love you, and until next time, we'll talk soon. Bye.